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My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle. "I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur. "I love him more than you," I replied. She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most." I said, "You misunderstood me."

God's Gift...

Q: What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him.

My Girl's Birthday

Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the Jewelry Store. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "Vhat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "It's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and vhen I asked her this morning vhat she vanted for her birthday, Lena said, 'Oh, I dun know, dear, yust give me something with vots of diamonds.' "So vhat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven smirks and says, "I bought her a deck of cards."