Chit Chat

Two mates are having a chat over a beer. "Do you like sheilas with bad body odor and bad breath?" one bloke asks his friend. "No way!" his mate replies. "Well," says the first bloke," do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?" "Fuck no!" his mate replies. "Well," says the first bloke, "what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"

Triplets

A doctor from Canada was having an affair with one of his female co-workers. One day she announced to him that she was pregnant with his child. The doctor gave her enough money to fly to California and live their until the child was born. He gave her instructions to send him a postcard with the word SAURKRAUT on it when she gave birth. About nine months later the doctor arrived home when his wife handed him a postcard. "Here", she said. "This came in the mail today". The doctor took the postcard and it read... SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT;  TWO WITH WEINERS & ONE WITHOUT!

Honest Marriage

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking through a marriage- help book when his husband turns to his wife. ''It says here that the most important thing in a marriage is honesty. So let's come to grips here. Honey... have you ever cheated on me? I've never cheated on you.'' He saw the twisted look on his wife's face, and trying to suppress his anger, he asked: ''How many times? And when?'' The wife responded, ''Well... you know that time when your company was broke, and you couldn't get the landlord to let his pay slide for another month?'' The husband stared. ''You mean you're the one who got him to?'' His wife nodded. The husband thought it over, then sighed. ''I guess that's okay. Any other times?'' ''Well... when you had that heart attack, and the doctor refused to give a heart transplant for the amount of money we had at the time... I kinda...'' ''Ah, you're the one who made it possible.'' The husband looked honestly relieved. ''Well, that's understandable, you saved my life. Any others?'' She nodded. ''One more.'' The husband leaned forward. ''Well... you remember the time when you were running for president of your company, and you were short by 17 votes...?''