Magic Mirror

A women came home one day with a mirror and told her husband it was magic. Her husband told her to prove it.
She said watch, ''Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my boobs biggest of all.'' Sure enough, they grew huge. The husband was amazed and said, "Ooh, oooh, let me try! Mirror, mirror show me more, make my dick touch the floor.'' His legs fell off.

Fruit or Vegetable

Q: Is a date a fruit or a vegetable?
A: You don't know until he's at the door.

Couple's Separate Beds

A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around. As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?" She laughs and gets in his bed. When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again. Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."