May September Marriage

A 90 year old man shows up for a physical. He tells the doctor he is about to marry a 20 year old girl. "Really?" said the doctor. "You're healthy enough, I suppose, but take my advice. If you want a happy marriage, you should take in a boarder. Do you know what I mean?" The old man says, "OK, doc. I'll think about it." Six months later, the doctor sees the old man on the street. He asks him how his new marriage is working out. "Great doc! In fact, my wife is pregnant." The doctor nods knowingly and says, "So you took my advice and took in a boarder?" The old man winked and said, "Yep. And she's pregnant too!"

If Women Told Truth In Bed

Many a relationship could be thrown a curve ball if women always told the truth in bed. Imagine the revelation
She: Get off of me, will ya!!
He: Whatsa matter, am I hurting you?
She: No, you're not hurting me, you're annoying me. You think you could hurt me with THAT?!?

He Misses Her

Golfer: "My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!"
Caddy: "I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!"