Last Chance

Told my girlfriend she had one last chance to do something with my penis or we were through.
She's blown it.

Miller Time

My husband has always taken the time to make love to me in a very romantic atmosphere. In fact, all our kids were conceived during Miller Lite commercials.

Christmas Trees Better

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman:

1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
2. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
3. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
4. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
5. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
6. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.