Explanation

The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head. They were looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see." A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman!?" The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please! I'm going to have enough trouble explaining you to her."

Wedding Performance

On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance. "Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous." "Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager?  Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees." So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!

Cheat Day

Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago. His wife proposed that they should have a cheat day today.
She brought home KFC wings and a Big Mac from McDonalds. Bob brought home his secretary.
From his hospital bed, Bob is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.