Late Again

Wife - "Where the  hell have you been?  You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"
Husband - "I'm so sorry, Honey, but you probably don't want to hear the reason."
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"
Husband - "Fine.  We finished in under  4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car and would have  been here at noon on the button.   On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire.  I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money.  Of course, I refuse it - then she tells  me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes.  Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I  guess we were looking pretty good to each other.  Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table.  She suggested we get some privacy while pulling  me by the hand.  Now I'm in her room ... clothes are flying .... The talking stopped ...  and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because  before I know it the clock says 5:30.  I jumped up, threw my clothes  on, ran to the car, and here I am.  There, you wanted the truth ... you  got it."
Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you!?"

Food Alert

Q: What food can diminish a woman's sex drive by 90%?
A: Wedding Cake.

West Virginia Hick Marriage

Two West Virginia hicks get married and spend their honeymoon in a local motel. Right before they consummate the marriage, the women says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin." The man is visibly upset and storms off to his family's home. He tells them what happened and his dad says, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"