Sunday Morning Fishing

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday morning at 4:30 AM the man and the dog would go fishing. One day, the man fell in love and got married. After the wedding, when the man and the woman got in bed together, the man turned to the woman. ''Tomorrow is Sunday and every Sunday morning, me and my dog go fishing at 4:30 AM. We'd like you to come along.'' ''And what if I don't want to come along?'' the woman asked impatiently. ''Well then, sweetie, we'll just have to have buttsex.'' With that, the man rolled over and fell asleep, and left the woman pondering. ''God, I hate having the buttsex, but I also hate getting up so early. I'll have to think about this more." In the morning, the woman could hear the man going downstairs to get the dog. It was much too early for the woman to get up so she decided to wait for the inevitable buttsex. She waited for about half an hour and fell back asleep, thinking her husband had left already. She awoke to the man, pulling on her arm. ''Have you made your decision?'' he asked ''Yes,'' she replied. ''I do not want to go fishing.'' True to his word, the man pulled down his pants. "By the way, what took you so long to come upstairs? It usually doesn't take that long to get Sparky up.'' ''I know,'' the man said. ''He didn't want to go either.''

A Dozen Eggs

An old man and women are going out for a meal to celebrate there 50th anniversary. The old man is getting ready but cant find his shoes so he looks under the bed and finds a box with 2 eggs in it and a thousand dollars.  So that evening he questions his wife about it at dinner. "Well.." she said  "each time I was unfaithful to you I put an egg in the box" "And what about the thousand dollars?" asked the old man. "Well..." Replies the woman  "Each time I got a dozen eggs I sold them"

Guide For All Women

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I'M HUNGRY. I'm hungry.
I'M SLEEPY. I'm sleepy.
I'M TIRED. I'm tired.
I'VE GOTTA GO. Get out of the way and stay away until it clears.
WHAT'S WRONG? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this.
WHAT'S WRONG? What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. I liked it better before.
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair!
LET'S TALK, HONEY. I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
WILL YOU MARRY ME? I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
WILL YOU MARRY ME? I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.