The Expat

The American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. "Get this..." he chuckled, "That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he's made love to every woman in the building except one." "Hmmmmmmmmm," said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, "must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the eighth floor."

Paying Attention

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Q: What do you call an ex-girlfriend with GPS capability?
A: A crazy bitch that will find you!