You Might Be A Redneck If...

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.

You Might Be a Redneck If... Collection 39

You might be a redneck if...

• You can chew your own toenails.
• You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
• You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.
• Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.
• You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.
• You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait... and didn't spit it out.
• Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.
• You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.
• Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.
• Your mama has more tattoos than you do. 

Shootin Craps

Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shootin craps?
A: He blew a hole in the toilet.