You Might Be A Redneck 56

You might be a redneck if...

• The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
• You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
• You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.
• You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.
• You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.
• You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.
• Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
• Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
• You have to stop a leak in your flat-bottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.
• You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

Redneck Girlfriend

You might be a redneck when you say ho-down and your girlfriend hits the ground.

You Might Be A Redneck 37

You might be a redneck if...

• The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
• You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
• You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
• Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
• Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
• Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
• After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
• You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
• You pick up your girlfriend on a bike for the prom.
• The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.