No Underwear

Q: How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?
A: There's dandruff on his/her shoes.

The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas

The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas
On my first day of Christmas... pa gave to me, Some parts to a Mustang GT. On my second day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 2 huntin dawg, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my third day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my forth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my fifth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my sixth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my seventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my eighth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my ninth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 9 years probation, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my tenth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 1 Copenhagen, 9 years probation, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my eleventh day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 1 rasslin tickets, 1 Copenhagen, 9 years probation, 8 manly dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT. On my twelfth day of Christmas... pa gave to me, 1 pack of Bud, 1 rasslin tickets, 1 Copenhagen, 9 years probation, 8 table dancers, 7 packs of Red Man, 6 cans of Spam, 5 TURKEY WINGS, 4 mud tires, 3 shotgun shells, 2 huntin dawgs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.
 

Kidnapped by a Redneck

Q: How do you know you've been kidnapped by a redneck?
A: He's asking for 2 million dollars ransom in unmarked million dollar bills.