'Breviated Medicul Dickshunnary!

Adenoids - (n) Space critters whut are keepin' Elvis alive on Pluto
Anesthesia - (n) Rushun princess y'all red 'bout in skool.
Antacid - (n) aloosinagenic drugs uzed by itty bitty bugz.
Bowel - (n) A alfabit letter lyke A, E, I, O, or U or why?
Bronchitis - (n) dinosour frum the plastikseen age; extinked.
Catscan - (v) lukin' fer hookers (don y'all do this)
Cauterize - (v) makin' eye contak with a hooker (berry dangerous)
D & C - (n) Warshingtun; whar the weirdos, purvurts, & kongress type peepul live.
Emema - (n) sumone who ain't never no frend no how
Fester - (n) yer unkles name (mos likelee)
Genital - (n) head of a army, fer sample, Genital Robert E. Lee
Heart - (v) when u cauz pain to some1
Hypodermic - (n) huge, big, fat zoo crittur; mostly live in de woter
Mamogram - (n) short note sent 2 yer ma er other female
Papsmear - (v) when peepul sez veri ugli things bout yer pappy
Recovery - (n) place wear yew fix up yer fernitur 
Rectum - (v) whut happenz when yew drive yer pick up truck
Drunk seizure - (n) Emperore of Rome.
Series - (n) tv continuin show, fer sample, Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
Testicles - (n) books of the Bible
Tumor - (n) how many beers yew can drink after last call
Urine - (v) xact oppisyte of yerrout

That Time Again

A highway patrolman wanted to set up a speed trap one day.  He got up on a hill behind a big billboard and sat.  He was there for about ten minutes with no radar action. Finally a car came by doing 85 M.P.H.  He put on the blue light and pulled the car over.  He said, "Sir, do realize you were doing 85 MPH?"  The driver said "Yeah, but ya' see, it's that time of the month for the Mrs. and I gotta get her some tampons."  The officer was sympathetic.  He just said, "How about slowing it down."  So the guy sped off.  A few minutes later, another car came by running 85 MPH  The officer gave him the blue light to.  Again, the same scenario.  The officer said "Sir, do you realize you were doing 85 MPH?"  The guy had the same story.  "Yes sir, but you see, it's that time of the month for the wife and I gotta get her some tampons."  This pissed the officer off but he couldn't give this guy a ticket and not the last one.  He said, "Just slow it down."  No sooner than he got back up in his speed trap, here comes another guy doing 95 mph. The officer put the blue light on, pulled him over and walked up to the window.  He looked at the guy and said, "Dammit, don't tell me it's that time of the month for your wife too!"  The guy responded, "No sir, that's just barbecue sauce."

Redneck Driving

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.