The Amazing Conductor

When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he knew the music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during rehearsal.  Afterwards, one musician was overheard whispering to the other, impressed, "Well, this kid really knows his stuff!"  The other replied, "I don't think he is so hot. Did you notice how flat his high E was at the end?"

George Bernard Shaw

While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd like them to play next. "Dominoes," he replied.

Blues Singer's Tombstone

Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."