Signs And Notices 15

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
• Sign in a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
• Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: "COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
• Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American."
• Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
• Sign from a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."
• Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything - gas is!"
• Sign on the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Tarzan

Didn't you like those old shows, like 'Tarzan'? Remember 'Tarzan'? The story about a white guy who grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood?

Top 10 Valentine Card Rejects

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk but the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
9. Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store in hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished but now I'm fulfilled SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
4. Through all the things that came to pass our love has grown but so has your ass.
3. You're a honey and you're a cutie I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny so, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!