Light Bulb - Kennedy

Q: How many Kennedy's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, at least until we get some corroborating witnesses.

Lincoln Booty Call - Beard

Let me know if my beard tickles.

President's Poem

I did not do it in a car, I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark, I did not do it in the park
I did not do it on a date, I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance, I did not do it in her pants
I did not get beyond first base, I did not do it in her face
I never did it in a bed, Trust me now, you've been misled
I did not do it with a groan, I did not do it on the phone
I did not cause her dress to stain, I never boinked Saddam Hussein
I did not do it with a whip, I never fondled Linda Tripp
I never acted really silly, With volunteers like Kathleen Willey
There was one time with Margaret Thatcher, I chased her 'round, but could not catch her
No kinky stuff, not on your life, I wouldn't, even with my wife
Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes, Was paid for by my right-wing foes
And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers, Are just a bunch of party poopers
I did not ask my friends to lie, I did not hang them out to dry
I did not do it last November, But if I did, I don't remember
I did not do it in the hall, I could have, but I don't recall
I never did it in my study, I never touched my good dog, Buddy
I never did it to Sox, the cat, I might have once with Arafat
I never did it in a hurry, I never groped Ms. Betty Currie
There was no sex at Arlington, There was no sex on Air Force One
I might have copped a little feel, And then endeavored to conceal
But never did these things so lewd, At least, not ever in the nude
These things to which I have confessed, They do not count, if we stayed dressed
It never happened with a cigar, I never dated Mrs. Starr
I did not know this little sin, Would be retold on CNN
I broke some rules my Mama taught me, I tried to hide, but now you've caught me
But I implore, I do beseech, Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail, But never once did I inhale.