Saving Obama

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see President Obama drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Obama asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Obama asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."

Kilauea Calm

According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, Madame Pele is the Goddess of volcanoes. Legend has it that the quickest way to stop the eruptions on Mt. Kilauea is to make a human sacrifice into her fires. The legend also demands that the chosen individual is a celebrated male leader who was born in Hawaii and held a position of power for eight years.
Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it.

Clinton Doctor

One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says, "I can't figure out what it is. So I'll give you some medicine, and if it doesn't work, come back and I'll give you something else."
So Clinton takes the prescription and takes the pills as directed and comes back in 2 weeks. The physician then hands him a different prescription and he comes back in 3 weeks this time. Then, instead of giving him a prescription he gives him a small tube-like capsule.
The doctor says, "Rub this around the offending circle and come back tomorrow. Clinton returns the next day and exclaims, "Wow! That stuff was terrific doc! What was that last concoction? It worked great!"
The doctor calmly replied, "Lipstick remover."