Where's my heart?

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast. "Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

Yo Mama - Boobs

Yo mama so old when I tapped her back her boobs fell off.

Getting Old

You know you're getting older when:

• Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
• You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.
• Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
• Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
• Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
• You look forward to a dull evening.
• Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
• You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.