Old Women at the Movies

Two old ladies are at the movies. "Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off." "What makes you say that?" "He's using my hand."

Life of Bad Sex

Grandma and Grandpa are sitting on the porch, when all of a sudden Grandma slaps Grandpa. "That's for 50 years of the worst sex I've ever had." They're both silent for ten minutes. Then Grandpa slaps Grandma. "That's for knowin' the difference."

Quick-thinking Senior Citizen.

One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, "I'm going to kiss you if you can't tell me who I am in three guesses". She quickly answered, "George Washington! Thomas Jefferson!  Abraham Lincoln!"