Frank's Thoughts about Life

1. Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
2. Life is sexually transmitted.
3. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny , and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
9. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
10. ? ?Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long. 

Knitting and Driving

An old lady was knitting as she was driving down the highway, not paying any attention to the road. Pretty soon, a police officer pulls alongside her car and yells, "Pull over!"
The lady yells back, "No - mittens!"

Old Couple's Doctor's Visit

An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample. The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?" The doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample." The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, "Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear."