Should I Really Join Facebook?

When I bought my iPhone, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 186 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] headset I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Wal-Mart talking to my wife and everyone within 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating."
You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. 
They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, "No, but I do fart a lot."
P.S. I know some of you are not over age 70. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are. I figured your sense of humor could handle it.
We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.
Love Lucky

Jokes about Age

• OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out
• OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
• OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line
• OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed
• OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot
• OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces
• OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas
• OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home
• OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing
• OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
• OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
• OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction
• OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it
• OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain
• OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out 

Now That I'm Older...

Now that I'm older... here's what I've discovered...

• I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.
• When did my wild oats turn into prunes and All Bran?
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through, though.
• It was all so different before everything changed.
• Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
• I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few....
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.