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Old Age Jokes
Hairy Animals
One day little Bill was playing in the sand out of the sun underneath his front steps. Soon his mother walked up the steps without underwear due to the heat of the day and little Bill looked up and yelled out, ''Mother, what's that black thing that you're carrying under your dress?'' ''Don't worry, Bill, it's just a squirrel,'' she said. So little Bill kept on playing, and soon his grandmother came along, also without underwear, and little Bill looked up and said, ''Grammie what is that hairy animal under your dress?'' ''Ah, it's a squirrel,'' she answered. So little Bill asked his grandmother, ''Why is it that your squirrel is grey intead of black?'' The grandmother replied, ''If your mother's squirrel had popped the nuts that this one has popped, it would be gray too.''
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Old is When
- Your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot
- A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the nearest garage door
- You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick
- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face
- You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along
- When it takes longer to rest than to get tired
- When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
- "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today
- "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot
- An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
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Old Age Flirtation
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom -- where else?!"
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