To Succeed Business Lines

• To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.
• To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
• Too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work.
• Treat people as if they are what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
• Trust everybody... then cut the cards.
• Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
• Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
• Two heads are more numerous than one. 

New Cashier

Person 1: How is business going?
Person 2: I'm looking for a new cashier
Person 1: But you only had a new one last week
Person 2: Yes, that's the one I'm looking for!

The System Crash Song

SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash")

• I was working in the lab, late one night
• When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
• Some smoke from our VAX began to rise
• And suddenly, to my surprise... [chorus]
• (There was a crash) There was a system crash (A mighty crash)
• I heard the disk heads smash
• (A system crash) It came down in a flash
• (There was a crash) A fatal system crash
• The lab manager then appeared from his room,
• Said: "I don't want to be a prophet of doom,
• But we had one like this just the other day
• Which blew up 4 megs and the SBA" ... [chorus]
• The system had just been booted, diagnostics had all run through,
• When a power fluck made it all run amuck, then SCOTTY and IRVING blew too
• So we'd lost all our VAXes in less than one night
• When a VP came in and said: "Hey, that's all right,
• I'll loan you a Venus - here's what to do
• When you call up Support, tell them Gordon sent you... [chorus]