Business Mergers

• Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs
• Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild
• Polygram records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: new company will be called Poly Warner Cracker
• W.R. Grace Co., Fuller Brush Co., Mary Kay Cosmetics and Hale Business Systems: New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace
• 3M and Goodyear: New company will be called MMM Good
• John Deere and Abitibi-Price: new company will be called Deere Abi
• Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: New company will be called Honey I'm Home
• Denison Mines, Alliance and Metal Mining: New company will be called Mine, All Mine
• 3M, J.C. Penney and Canadian Opera Company: New company will be called 3 Penney Opera
• Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants: New company will be called Poupon Pants
• Knott's Berry Farm and National organization of Women: New company will be called Knott NOW!
• Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining: New compant will be called Zip Audi Do-Da

Business One-Liners Continued

• If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
• If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
• If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
• If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
• If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.
• If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
• If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
• If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.
• If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.
• If you put it off long enough, it might go away. 

Corporate Lessons!

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealth fully slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again Said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." MORAL OF THE STORY: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!