Hidden Meaning

Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.
Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.
Fast learner: You will get no training from us.
Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.
Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.
Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.
Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.
Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.
Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.
Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.
Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.
Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.
Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.
Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.

Qualities of an Ideal Company

1. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
2. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
3. "Sorry I'm late, but I'm still drunk from last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
4. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow, and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus, right into your car.

Light Bulb - Sales Director

Q: How many sales directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: (pause) I get it! This is one of those light bulb jokes, right?