Redneck Interview

You might be a redneck if... the interviewer asks:
Q: "Did you know that we are a Fortune 500 Company?"
A: "What track do y'all sponsor that race at? I ain't been to that one yet."

Condom Modelling Rejection

Condom Modelling Rejection TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY 6969 Slippery Root Drive Droptrouser, NC 22269
Dear John Doe,
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS. Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic. We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip. We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance, we decide that there is a market for micro-mini condoms.  We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.Yours very truly,
Burley Dick
President, TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.VD/abc
P.S. Remember our slogans: Cover your stump before you hump. Don't be silly, protect your Willie.  Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker .Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!

MLB Member Quotes

• "It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then I'd probably have seen a lot more of my husband." - Karolyn Rose, ex-wife of Pete Rose, 1981
• "It's a weird scene. You win a few baseball games and all of a sudden, you're surrounded by reporters and TV men with cameras asking you about Vietnam and race relations." - Vida Blue, 1971
• "I watch a lot of baseball on the radio." - Gerald Ford, 1978
• "It's a beautiful day for a night game." - Announcer Frankie Frisch
• "The most important things in life are good friends and a strong bull pen." - Pitcher Bob Lemon, 1981
• "Well, that kind of puts a damper on another Yankees win." - Announcer Phil Rizzuto, after a news bulletin reporting the death of Pope Paul VI, 1978.
• "They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at time was in Brooklyn." - Casey Stengel, 1962
• "I won't play for a penny less than $1500." - Honus Wagner, turning down an offer of $2000.