The Job Security Quiz

The job security quiz will help judge how long you'll end up at your current job and what will become of you.

 
1.The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you...
a) Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
b) Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
c) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.
 
2. There's a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
a) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.
b) Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
c) Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you, "Won't have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughingstock."
 
3. When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?
a) Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.
b) Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.
c) Go over to your bosses house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.
 
4. Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?
a) Listen politely, and then apologize.
b) Blame someone else.
c) Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you've written the word "union."
 
5. When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you...
a) Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.
b) Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.
c) Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.
 
6. Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth birthday party, what do you do?
a) Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.
b) Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.
c) Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.
 
7. The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean; you...
a) Clean the office while he supervises.
b) Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.
c) Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.
 
Scoring this test:

Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire you because you're a doormat.
Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings, you'll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real jerk.
Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.

That's Lazy

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up." Nine hands went up.  "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man. "Too much trouble," came the reply.

The Big Shake-up!

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - "and how much money do you make a week?" Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams  "here's a week's pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks "does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters  "Pizza delivery guy".