What is Your Name?

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

Welding 101

A man answered an ad that read, "Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour." When he arrived he was told he'd have to take a welding test. He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess. When the boss asked him why he did this he replied, "One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr."

Bosses vs Workers

• When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
• When I don't do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
• When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
• When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing. When my boss pleases his boss, that's co-operating.
• When I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do wrong, he never forgets.