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Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?
Secretary: My lawyer.
A woman calls her boss after a wild New Year's party and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asks. ‘I have a case of anal glaucoma,’ she says in a weak voice. ‘What the heck is anal glaucoma?’ ‘I can’t see my butt coming into work today’.