When the staff goes out after work, they talk about...

When the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball. When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball. Top management discusses golf. Conclusion: The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls are.

Three envelopes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

Universal Corporate Translator

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION": You'll be making under $6 an hour
"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY": You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year
"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY": There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft
"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN": Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left
"COMPETITIVE SALARY: "We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you. (and/or)Please introduce yourself to your co-workers. 
"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:" Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago
"IMMEDIATE OPENING:" The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.
"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:" We can't supply you with leads; (and/or)there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check
"SELF-MOTIVATED:" Don't expect Management to answer questions
"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:" After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.