Understanding Your Paycheck

Gross pay: $1222.02
Income Tax - $244.40
Outgo Tax - $45.21
State Tax - $61.10
Interstate Tax - $5.89
County Tax - $6.11
City Tax - $12.22
Rual Tax - $4.44
Back Tax - $1.11
Front Tax - $1.16
Side tax - $1.61
Up Tax - $2.22
Down Tax - $1.11
Knickknack Tax - $1.98
Hackensack Tax - $3.93
Thumb Tax - $0.98
Carpet Tax - $0.69
Snack Tax - $8.32
Surtax - $3.46
Ma'am Tax - $3.46
Parking Fee - $5.00
No Parking Fee - $10.00
F.I.C.A. - $81.88
T.G.I.F - $9.95
Life Ins. - $5.85
Health Ins. - $16.23
Disability Ins. - $2.50
Ability Ins. - $0.25
Liability Ins. - $3.41
Dental Ins.  - $4.50
Mental Ins. - $4.33
Fundamental Ins. - $0.11
Coffee  - $6.85
Coffee Cups - $66.51
Calendar Rental - $3.06
Floor Rental - $16.85
Chair Rental - $4.32
Desk Rental - $4.32
Union Dues - $5.85
Union Don'ts - $0.77
Cash Advances - $0.69
Cash Retreats - $121.35
Overtime - $1.26
Undertime - $54.83
Eastern Time - $9.00
Central Time - $8.00
Mountain Time - $7.00
Pacific Time - $6.00
Daylight Savings Time - $4.44
Time Out - $12.21
Oxygen - $10.22
Water - $16.54
Electricity - $38.23
Heat - $51.42
Air Conditioning - $46.83
Misc. - $169.24
Total Take Home Pay = $0000.02
This is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from.

A Day Off

So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you are going to take that day off!

Proctologist

Proctologist: A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.