Universal Corporate Translator

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION": You'll be making under $6 an hour
"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY": You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year
"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY": There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft
"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN": Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left
"COMPETITIVE SALARY: "We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you. (and/or)Please introduce yourself to your co-workers. 
"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:" Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago
"IMMEDIATE OPENING:" The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.
"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:" We can't supply you with leads; (and/or)there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check
"SELF-MOTIVATED:" Don't expect Management to answer questions
"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:" After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.

Retirement

Retirement means twice as much husband for half as much money.

Business One - Liners Experience

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
Excuses are like bodies; everybody has one!
Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experiment and theory often show remarkable agreement when performed in the same laboratory.
Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
Extremes meet.
Fact without theory is trivia; theory without fact is garbage.