Twenty VPs in a Mini-van

Q: How do you get 20 vice presidents in a mini-van?
A: Promote one and watch the other 19 crawl up his ass.

George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard I

 I never walk down the hall without a document in my hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Things You'd Love to Say at Work!

Things You’d Love to Say at Work!
1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
2. Do I look like a people person?
3. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting!
4. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
7. You!... Off my planet.
8. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
10. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
11. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
12. Allow me to introduce my selves.
13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
14. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
15. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
16. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
17. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
18. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
20. Chaos, Panic, and Disorder... My work here is done.
21. How do I set a laser printer to stun?22. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.