You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...

• Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
• You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
• You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
• Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
• Your income tax refund check bounces.
• The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
• You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
• You put both contacts into the same eye.
• Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
• Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
• You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
• Nothing you own is actually paid for.
• Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
• The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
• You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
• The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
• People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
• When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
• You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
• You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night... and there aren't any.
• It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

Extra Office Work

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?" The manager replied; "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

Did You Understand?

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Working at a theater box-office ticket window poses many challenges in dealing with people. When a disgruntled customer at a window exclaimed, "No Tickets?" What do you mean NO TICKETS?" The women waiting on him smiled sweeting. "I'm terribly sorry, sir," she replied. "Which word didn't you understand?"