Old Local Blacksmith

An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

Universal Corporate Translator

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION": You'll be making under $6 an hour
"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY": You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year
"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY": There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft
"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN": Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left
"COMPETITIVE SALARY: "We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you. (and/or)Please introduce yourself to your co-workers. 
"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:" Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago
"IMMEDIATE OPENING:" The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.
"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:" We can't supply you with leads; (and/or)there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check
"SELF-MOTIVATED:" Don't expect Management to answer questions
"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:" After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.

Retirement

Retirement means twice as much husband for half as much money.