Puppies Don't Surf The Web

Why Dogs don't surf the web...

• Can't stick their heads out of Windows 2000.
• Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
• Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
• Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
• Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
• Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
• Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
• Cause dogs aren't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
• Barking in the next cubical keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
• SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
• SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
• Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
• Butt-sniffing is more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

Work Quotes

• The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. Robert Frost
• The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse. Dennis Miller
• Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? Edgar Bergen
• Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished. Leslie Nielsen
• The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job. Slappy White
• I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. Robert Paul
• It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. Muhammad Ali
• A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error. Dennis Miller
• I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K Jerome

The Yuppette Executive

The Yuppette had risen to executive level in the company in no time at all. Hearing rumors about her, the husband confronted his wife and accused her of sleeping with all of the top level managers. "Now that's entirely false." she cried. "I took the easy route and slept with anyone who mattered at least twice."