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Money Jokes - Rich People Jokes
Poor Preacher
A poor minister was having trouble managing his church. The income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked, the air conditioning didn't work, and the church didn't have the funds for any repairs. The minister got a brilliant idea. He bought a book about hypnosis, and read it from cover to cover. At the next service, he took out a watch and chain, swung it back and forth, and lulled the congregation into a hypnotic trance. He said, "I want everybody to walk down the aisle and put $20 in the plate." They did, and he had the church's roof fixed that week. This worked so well that the next Sunday he decided to do it again. Taking his watch out, he proclaimed, "I want everybody to come down the aisle and drop $100 in the offering plate." They did, and he got the air conditioning fixed and the parking lot redone. His third Sunday, he got to thinking, "I haven't been paid in a long time. I deserve a little money." He started swinging his watch again, and he thought, "I deserve a lot more than a little bit of money. I deserve enough to go overseas and have a cottage on the beach. I deserve a lot more." He got so excited about what he was fixing to receive, that his hands started to sweat and as the watch slipped from his grip, he yelled: "Shit!" It took him two weeks to air out the church.
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Decent Proposal
A business man is trying to find a potential wife, he finds three business oriented ladies and tells them he will give them each five thousand dollars. Each of them can do what they want with it but to be back in six weeks to tell him what they did with it. All three ladies think they will be smart and try to make money from the five thousand dollars. The six weeks go by and the three ladies go to meet the business man. The business man says, "Number One, what did you do with your money?" Number One says, "I invested in T-bills and made $1500." The business man asks number two the same question. Number Two says, "I invested in the market and made $1700." The business man asks Number Three the same question, as well. Number Three says, "I invested in a CD and only made $1200." The business man, revaluated all three candidates and came to a decision. Can you guess which one he selected? The one with biggest breasts, of course.
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Discussing Finances
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
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