Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went there in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.
I thought, "Nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $465,000 vehicle.
A Greyhound bus.

Yo Mama - Bird Seed

Yo mama so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.

Fire and Theft Insurance

The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?"
I said, "Fire and theft."
Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. You should have fire OR theft."
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed while it's burning down.