Broke Drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

Yo Mama - Hinges

Yo mama so poor, the front door and the back door of her house are on the same hinge.

Understanding Your Paycheck

Gross pay: $1222.02
Income Tax - $244.40
Outgo Tax - $45.21
State Tax - $61.10
Interstate Tax - $5.89
County Tax - $6.11
City Tax - $12.22
Rual Tax - $4.44
Back Tax - $1.11
Front Tax - $1.16
Side tax - $1.61
Up Tax - $2.22
Down Tax - $1.11
Knickknack Tax - $1.98
Hackensack Tax - $3.93
Thumb Tax - $0.98
Carpet Tax - $0.69
Snack Tax - $8.32
Surtax - $3.46
Ma'am Tax - $3.46
Parking Fee - $5.00
No Parking Fee - $10.00
F.I.C.A. - $81.88
T.G.I.F - $9.95
Life Ins. - $5.85
Health Ins. - $16.23
Disability Ins. - $2.50
Ability Ins. - $0.25
Liability Ins. - $3.41
Dental Ins.  - $4.50
Mental Ins. - $4.33
Fundamental Ins. - $0.11
Coffee  - $6.85
Coffee Cups - $66.51
Calendar Rental - $3.06
Floor Rental - $16.85
Chair Rental - $4.32
Desk Rental - $4.32
Union Dues - $5.85
Union Don'ts - $0.77
Cash Advances - $0.69
Cash Retreats - $121.35
Overtime - $1.26
Undertime - $54.83
Eastern Time - $9.00
Central Time - $8.00
Mountain Time - $7.00
Pacific Time - $6.00
Daylight Savings Time - $4.44
Time Out - $12.21
Oxygen - $10.22
Water - $16.54
Electricity - $38.23
Heat - $51.42
Air Conditioning - $46.83
Misc. - $169.24
Total Take Home Pay = $0000.02
This is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from.