Catching the Shoplifter

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

Pack Your Bags, I Won the Lottery

This guy runs home and bursts in yelling "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!!"  She says "Oh wonderful, should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"  He replies, "I don't care...Just get the heck out!!"

Yen Exchange

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 Japanese yen and walked out with $22. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $16.20. He asked the teller why he got less money than the previous week. The teller said, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"