Old Habits Die Hard

Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable childhood as an orphan in the ghetto. When he turned 18, he joined the Marines, but old habits die hard. One night, the sergeant found him rummaging around in the garbage and eating out of the discarded cans and jars. "On your feet, Lizard Pecker," he bellowed. "You'll eat in the mess hall -- you're no better than the rest of us!"

Answering Machine - Money

After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

Rips You Off Daily

Q: What has six balls and rips you off daily?
A: The lottery.