The Prayer

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those idiots deducted $95.00!

Redneck Powerball

A Redneck buys a Powerball ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim his money and the clerk verifies his winning number. The Redneck says "I want my $524 Million." The clerk replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out over the next 19 years." The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it." Again the clerk patiently explains that he would only get one million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Redneck, furious with the clerk, screams out, "I WANT MY MONEY! If you're not going to give me my $524 million 'right now,' THEN I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS BACK!"

Oysters to Charity

Q: Why don't oysters give to charity?
A: Because they're shellfish.