Army Rules

Q: What are the two main rules in the Army?

1. The commanding officer is always right.
2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1

First Jump

After a fresh batch of paratroopers complete their first jump, some veterans take them out for a few rounds.
They're swapping stories and an old timer says: "Man, I remember the first time I jumped. Made the mistake of being the last one in line. Finally it's my turn, and I look down and freeze. The drill instructor leans in right behind me says, 'son, either you jump right now or I'm going to fuck you in the ass."
The veteran looks off wistfully and takes a pull off his beer.
A first-timer says, "Well, did you jump?"
"A little at first."

Fines

In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle.
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.