First Jump

After a fresh batch of paratroopers complete their first jump, some veterans take them out for a few rounds.
They're swapping stories and an old timer says: "Man, I remember the first time I jumped. Made the mistake of being the last one in line. Finally it's my turn, and I look down and freeze. The drill instructor leans in right behind me says, 'son, either you jump right now or I'm going to fuck you in the ass."
The veteran looks off wistfully and takes a pull off his beer.
A first-timer says, "Well, did you jump?"
"A little at first."

Rank

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside ."Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

A Gentler Way

At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out, "Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your brother died last night. "The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. "Sergeant," he said afterwards, "that's a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic news. We must be more gentle and less abrupt in the future," The sergeant shrugged. "Yes sir. I'll try to remember that." He didn't look very convinced. Several days later, a call came in about another family death. As the troops were assembling for roll call, the Chaplain stepped forward. "Let me take this one, sergeant", he said. He turned toward the sleepy-looking soldiers and said, "Platoon, atten-HUT !" They came to attention. "Good morning, men!" he said. "Good morning, sir", they replied. "Men, today is Mother's Day, and I hope all of you will be calling home to send your moms a loving thought. In fact, all of you who are fortunate enough to still have a mother who's alive and well, take two steps forward. Private Jones, not so fast!"