Oxygen is Essential

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Cloning the Scientist

A scientist was successful in cloning himself. He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper. The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology. "My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "he's an ASSHOLE!" The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists," Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb ASS couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's fraudulent lying scum!" Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window. The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired. The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we can not let this heinous act go unchallenged." The police chief thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for "Making an obscene clone fall..." 

Send in the Clowns Biology

To the tune of "Send in the Clowns"
So this is it, A few bases to go, I've tried and I've tried but the techniques's so slow. I've poured my gels, I've run quite a few. Full of bubbles, they leaked and why I never knew. But where are the clones? I've got to have clones, The end is so near. Is my broth rich? Does it look clear? Contamination is something I always fear. Are my plaques blue? They shouldnt be, No DNA left I'm down on my knees, So give me some clones? I've got to have clones, The end is so near. I've had bad preps, There've been quite a few, Ive tried all brands of PEG, fresh buffers, but nothing would do. And though they say, Solutions will keep, In my hands they last no more than a week. So send me some clones? I've got to have clones, The end is so near. I've read my gels, My eyes are quite sore, There's still sequence missing, of this I am sure. But there it is!! Finally done. I've conquered this fragment and now I have won. Whats's this I hear? A voice from the door. My supervisor wants 10kb more! So give me some clones, I've got to have clones, Or I'll be here all year!