Who signed the Declaration of Independence?

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?" He said, "Damn if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son,sat in the back of the room to observe. She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?"  "Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know." The father jumped up in the back ,pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that damn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!"

Cat Stuttering

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter. No other animal in the world does this. Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says. "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher. "Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbor's Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!" and before he could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"

Duck Sentence.

TEACHER: "Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence."
JOHNNY: "De-feet of De-duck went over De-fence before De-tail."