Copy Machine Handout

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet;
The copier is out of order! Yes, we have called the service man. Yes, he will be in today. No, we cannot fix it. No, we do not know how long it will take. No, we do not know what caused it. No, we do not know who broke it. Yes, we are keeping it. No, we do not know what you are going to do now.
Thank You

The Y-Zero-K Problem

Translated from a recently discovered Latin scroll dated 2BC
Dear Cassius: Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us many headaches; there is not much time left. I don't know how citizens will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of this earlier and not left it to us to sort it out at the last minute. I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was working out the calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful. Surely, we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again? Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this, I suppose. The money lenders are paranoid of course! They have been told that all usury rates will invert, and they will have to pay their clients to take out loans. It is an ill wind. As for myself, I just cannot see how the sand in an hourglass will flow upwards. We have heard that there are three wise men in the East who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over. I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and possible loss of life. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment of transition. Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this acursed Y zero K problem. I will send you a parchment if anything further develops. If you have any ideas please let me know, Plutonius Sent by Marina

Bathroom Privileges

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Re: Restroom Policy
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective Feb. 25, 1995 a Restroom Policy will be established to provide a consistant method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees. Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20 points. RTC can be accumulated from month to month. Shortly, the entrances to all the restrooms will begin being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition. During the next two (2) weeks, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress)  to management by Feb. 10,1995. The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of Feb. Employees should aquaint themselves with the stations during this period. It will be restrictive starting March 1, 1999. If an employee's RTC balances is zero (0), the doors to all restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice print until the first of the month. In addition, all the restrooms are being equipped with a time paper roll retractor. If the restroom is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm will sound throughout the entire building. A computer simulated voice will be activated and announce over the public announcing system the name of the delinquent employee. Ten (10) seconds later, the roll of paper will retract, the toilet will flush and the restroom door will automatically open. If at that time, the employee still remains seated inside the stall, the restroom cameras (which will be linked to the payroll and security console) will turn on.
Your cooperation on this matter will be appreciated. If you have any questions about the new policy, please feel free to ask you supervisor.
Thank You!
Management