Real Advertisements - 2

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

• Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
• A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
• For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. 
• Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. 

Bumper Stickers

• If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
• A penny saved is ridiculous.
• All that glitters has a high refractive index.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Anarchy is better than no government at all.
• Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
• Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

More Strange Headlines

A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout. 
A Creighton University (Nebraska) Law School senior, told she wouldn't graduate because of a failing grade on a final exam, sued her professor, claiming he flunked her because she is "politically incorrect."
Biloxi, Mississippi, jurors acquitted a woman of drug charges, then passed the hat to collect $55 to pay her bus fare home to Texas.
A man allegedly held up 18 New York businesses after casing the places while filling out job or rental applications. The spree ended after he accidentally signed his real name on one of the forms, police said.
Harlan County, Nebraska, Assessor Floyd Schippert was unopposed in the Democratic primary, and just to be sure, he entered -- and won -- the Republican primary also. Willie Turner wasn't running for the Dendron, Virginia, Town Council. He didn't even vote. But he won with five write-in votes.
A Hollywood, California man is accused of renting cars, selling them, then stealing them back for return to the rental companies.
Corpus Christi, Texas, police said it was a hit-and-gallop accident: A man crashed his truck into the back of a car, then fled on the horse he was pulling in the trailer.