Indiana Crazy Laws

• One man may not back into a parking spot because it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
• Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
• All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
• Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
• Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
• State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
• Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
• A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
• It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. Drinks on the house are illegal.
• It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
• A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code 15-2.1-21-13(b)
• Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.
• Liquor stores may not sell milk.
• Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
• Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
• You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for him/her.
• Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.
• No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
• Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
• You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table. The waiter or waitress has to do it.
• "Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.
• You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
• It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
• If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Immoral Practices.
• Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
• A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
• The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415.
• (Repealed) Auburn - It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a commercially zoned area. For these offenses, there is a fine of no more than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30 days.
• Beech Grove - It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
• Elkhart - It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
• Evansville - While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
• Fort Wayne - You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It`s In the Book".
• Gary - Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house, theater, or ride a public streetcar.
• South Bend - It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
• Terre Haute - No one may spit on the sidewalk. 

Changing Number Terms

In a recent contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a number, add or subtract one, and create a new definition:
The Year 2001 Problem: How to find jobs for all those programmers hired to solve the Year 2000 problem.
Catch-23: Complete the previous catch before proceeding to this step.
Fortune 501: Levi Strauss makes the list, but just by the seat of its pants.
Motel 5: If you're not there by midnight, they turn off the light.
Dressed to the Eights: Impeccably attired with white socks.
Six Brides for Seven Brothers: Someone's gonna get hurt!
Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs: The title, before they expelled Gassy.
Five Eyes: Other kids can be so cruel when you are Siamese twins, and one of you is wearing a monocle.
665: The mark on the forehead of Satan's slightly less evil brother, Ralph. 

Billy Gates writes to Santa

Dear Santa,
How are you doing? I hope you've had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It's really neat how you're able to do that year after year. I guess that's how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business. Actually, I admire the way you run Christmas. You really have a handle on it. You find out what people want (with letters like this and having kids tell you in person), and then you make the presents and control how they are delivered. It's an impressive operation. I also like how you've got it to where when somebody says "Christmas presents,"  people automatically think Santa Claus. What a marketing advantage. Best of all, even though you're a huge success, people still don't know much about your private life. It's just rumors. That's so neat. I think being at the North Pole helps. That was a good move. For example, when you're designing toys, only your elves know what you're doing, and you're way up there where nobody can spy on you and steal your ideas. And even if they do, you can always just let it out that you're making the same stuff to bring to people for free, so why would they buy the other guy's stuff? Also, other people who make Christmas presents can't deliver them like you can. Yours is the only sleigh on the distribution highway. You must get some great discounts from them, because if they don't play ball you can just refuse to give out their presents. Very Sharp. What I don't get is why you give away stuff. That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. I admit, its why you're number one- who could compete with a deal like that? But it must make it hard to stay in business, especially when you have to visit every kid in the world. You have to keep growing or fail. Here's an idea on how you can help finance your operation: Give everybody at least one present at Christmas, then you could make batteries and sell them the rest of the year. It would create a demand: You give people something and then sell them what they need to make it work. Another thing, about you coming down the chimney. That's so slow and inefficient. And what about all the people who don't have chimneys? Santa. I have one word for you--windows. Everybody has windows. That's about all I have to say. You're probably wondering if I was good or bad this year, but I don't really like to talk about my personal life, if that's O.K. (Just out of curiosity: When you were a boy, did any of the other kids call you a nerd?) Anyway, I don't really have anything to ask for. Mostly I think up something to play with and then build it myself. I guess I'm sort of like you--I make my own toys.
Best of luck,
Billy Gates