From Boyfriend to Husband upgrade

Dear Tech Support: 
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.  In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
--Desperate
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Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: "C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVEDME" and install Tears 6.2.  Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.  Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.  DO NOT install Mother In Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.  These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.
--Tech Support

Washington Crazy Law

• It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
• All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle. 
• People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
• You cannot buy meat of any kind on Sunday.
• All lollipops are banned.
• You are breaking the law if you sell or place in the stream of commerce a crib that has: corner posts that extend more than 1/16-inch above end panels; slats more than 2 3/8 inches apart; a mattress support that releases easily from corner posts; cutout designs on the end panels; tears in mesh or fabric; missing or loose screws, bolts, or hardware; sharp edges, points, or rough surfaces on wood surfaces that are not smooth and free from splinters, splits or cracks.
• The new Infant Crib Safety Act in California (AB 3760, Speier), Colorado (SB 98-023,Pascoe and Morrison) and Washington State (SSB 6229, Kohl and Pennington) states that "no commercial user shall manufacture, retrofit, sell, contract to sell or resell, lease, sublet or otherwise place in the stream of commerce, a full-size or non-full-size crib that is unsafe for any infant using the crib.
• It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich.
• You are not allowed to breast feed in public.
• When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.
• A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
• Auburn - Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.
• Bremerton - You may not shuck peanuts on the street.
• Everett - It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.
• Lynden - Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment.
• Seattle - You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
• Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.
• No one may set fire to another person's property without prior permission.
• It is illegal to carry a fishbowl or aquarium onto a bus because the sound of the water sloshing may disturb other passengers.
• Spokane - TV's may not be bought on Sundays.
• Waldron Island - No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. - San Juan County Ordinance NO. 7 -1995 (Passed June 7,1995)
• Wilbur - You may not ride an ugly horse. 

Rich Asian

Q: What do you call a rich Asian?
A: Cha Ching!