Women Seeking Men: The Truth

"WOMEN SEEKING MEN" Classifieds
40-ish means: 48.
Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will.
Affectionate means: Possessive.
Artist means: Unreliable.
Average looking means: You figure this one out.
Beautiful means: Pathological liar.
Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!
Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise.
Contagious Smile means: Bring your penicillin.
Educated means: College drop-out.
Emotionally Secure means: Medicated.
Employed means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home.
Enjoys art and opera means: Snob.
Enjoys Nature means: Bring your own granola.
Exotic Beauty means: Would frighten a Martian.
Financially Secure means: One paycheck from the street.
Free spirit means: Substance abuser.
Friendship first means: Trying to live down reputation as slut.
Fun means: Annoying.
Gentle means: Comatose.
Good Listener means: Hard to pull a word from her.
Humorous means: Caustic.
Intuitive means: Your opinion doesn't count.
In Transition means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills.
Light drinker means: Lush.
Looks younger means: If viewed from far away in bad light.
Loves Travel means: If you're paying.
Loves Animals means: Cat lady.
Non-traditional means: Ex-husband lives in the basement.
Open-minded means: Desperate.
Outgoing means: Loud.
Passionate means: Loud.
Poet means: Depressive Schizophrenic.
Redhead means: Shops on the Clairol aisle.
Reliable means: Frumpy.
Reubenesque means: You can figure this one out.
Romantic means: Looks better by candle light.
Self-employed means: Jobless.
Smart means: Insipid.
Special means: Rode the small school bus w/ tinted windows.
Spiritual means: Involved with a cult.
Stable means: Boring.
Tall, thin means: Anorexic.
Tan means: Wrinkled.
Wants Soul mate means: One step away from stalking.
Widow means: Nagged first husband to death.
Writer means: Pompous.
Young at heart means: How about the rest.

Marriage Quotes

• All marriages are happy--it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
• Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.
• Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.
• It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing.
• May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.
• May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.
• May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
• Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "Out to lunch - Think it over."
• The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
• There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards - only physics and war hold him in check. And the wife who wants him home by five, of course. -- Encyclopaedia Apocryphia

Dirty Joke

Q: Want to hear a dirty joke?
A: The white horse fell in the mud.