Dog Decisions

Q: Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger?
A: I'd rather have him chase the tiger.

Couple's Round of Golf

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"

Makes You Think

• I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
• What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
• If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
• I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.