Too Much of the 90's!

Signs you've had too much of the 90's!

• You try to enter your password on the microwave.
• You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted.
• You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
• You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back "What's for dinner?"
• You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
• You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page.
• The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you.
• You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
• Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
• And finally... You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!

Dear God (Christmas)

Johnny was, by all accounts, the worst eight year old kid on earth. He stole, lied, beat-up his sister, just about any trouble this kid could get into, he did. Nonetheless, Johnny wanted a bicycle for Christmas. Johnny goes to his mother and demands, "Mom, for Christmas, I want a bicycle!" To this his mother replies, "Yea, right, ... Santa's not coming to THIS house you little brat, you've stolen from all the neighbors, shoplifted, beat-up kids at school, you'll be lucky if you even get a lump of coal." Enraged, Johnny storms up to his room. After about an hour, he decides he will appeal his case to God. So he grabs a tablet and starts to write his letter to God. Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I will never steal again... "No, that won't work. God will know I'm lying." So he tears up this letter and starts again. Dear God, If I get a bicycle for Christmas, I'll wash Mom's dishes for all year. "No, that won't work. God will know I'm lying." So he tears up this letter and starts again. Eventually, Johnny uses up the entire tablet and has only one sheet left but still no letter to God. Then it hits him. He runs out of the house and down to the church. In the church, he finds the Madonna and snatches it, runs home, and hides it under the bed. Then he writes: Dear God, If you ever want to see your mother again, have Santa Claus deliver a bicycle to my house on Christmas.

Critical Thinking at It's Best

Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer? 
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: So where's your Ferrari?