Ships of the Desert

Q: Why do they call camels 'ships of the desert'?
A: Because they are full of Arab semen.

Priest Retirement

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish. A leading local figure and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my first impression of this parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.  The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and when questioned by the police was able to lie his way out of it. He also stole money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife,  had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs, had several homosexual affairs, was
 arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister-in-law.  I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late.  He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived," said the politician.  "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Bull Talk

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch and the prospect raised a discussion among them. 
First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'em till I run him off or kill 'im, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT!  The biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point. 
First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting -- the bull's equivalent of an Ape's beating his chest or Man's bone-chilling, war-like cry of, "Stay away from my Woman, Vato!!
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell , Mister, he can have ALL MY COWS.  I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"