Putting Shoes On

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to do. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She than mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots onto his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

Little Johnny Alphabet

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today's lesson. "I'll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let's begin. A" All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like 'ass' or 'asshole'. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said "apple". "Very good", said the teacher, "now B". Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said "ball". This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to "R". Nobody but Johnny had their hands up. The teacher thought and thought and couldn't think of a bad word that started with "R". So she picked Johnny; Johnny stands up and says: "R...Rat...a big, fat, f**kin' Rat!"

Farts With Lumps

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence. Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants".