Discovering Gravity

Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."

What Do Your Parents Do?

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?" Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "Nothing. He's an economist."

Strict School

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kids this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer". So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"