Let's Swear

Mother calls up stairs, "You boys better get down here and eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"  As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, "Today we're gonna learn to swear!" The 4-year-old gives a fearful look. The 5-year-old continues, "When we get to the table, I'll say, 'hell' and you say, 'ass'!" The 4-year-old agrees with reservation.
They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them. "Good morning boys!  What would you like for breakfast?"  The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head. "Hell Mom! I'll have Cheerios!"  He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking.  Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old. She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, "Well now, what would you like for breakfast?"  The 4-year-old replies, "I don't know ma... But you can bet your ass it ain't Cheerios!"

Better Boy Prayer

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

The Lord's Prayer Redefined

"Our father, who does art in heaven, Howard is his name...."